Comfort food and comfort

“A tiger only needs three things to be comfortable. Lots of food, sleep, and…actually, no it’s just those two things.” Colleen Houck

That's my mother in our kitchen. I cannot see what she is cooking, but she has a look of quiet satisfaction on her face I think. She seems to be at peace. As I am in my kitchen. So why do my thoughts turn to her and to comfort food and comfort in general today?

Well two reasons really. One is that it is my fasting day, so there is not much prospect of food of any kind. Not much to look forward to - a yoghurt, and a tasty wrap perhaps. So my thoughts turn to food in general and what I would really like - to comfort food.

Then we are rapidly approaching our golden wedding anniversary and I was pondering on how come we are still together when there have been so many difficulties along the way, as in all marriages and relationships. And I came to the conclusion that comfort plays a large part in this too.

It's a two-edged sword though - comfort - isn't it? The hip and adventurous pour scorn on comfortable. Comfort is an easy way out, something to be despised. Cowardly. Or put more kindly:

"We find comfort among those who agree with us - growth among those who don't." Frank A. Clark

And I could certainly say of my marriage, which has been full of disagreement (my husband and I are, at least superficially, not at all alike), that I have indeed grown through the disagreements. Not necessarily in the sense of changing my mind about attitudes, but more how I deal with those disagreements. And he has pushed me now and then to do more, to push myself. I might mutter about it, but mostly it's a good thing. But the disagreements could easily have led to rupture.

The comfort of the relationship, however, is the fundamental reason for the longevity of it, I believe. The warmth of hugs, and affection, and basically just being there - out of sight perhaps, but not far away. Home.

“The ache for home lives in all of us. The safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.” Maya Angelou, All God's Children Need Traveling Shoes

“Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is the time for home.” Edith Sitwell

And that's why the picture of my mum in the kitchen. It was amazing, when I started looking for quotes for this piece how many of the quotes about comfort were about home and also about food. Almost all of them in fact. A few about clothes maybe. And winter too - I guess in summer we go out more and become more adventurous, explore new places, are less comfortable. And I was lucky enough to have a home that was indeed a safe place. I suppose there are many for whom that is not the case. For most of us though our childhood home is an ideal is it not? A golden place full of love and warmth - and good food! We forget the tears, and the squabbles, and the resentments of youth. And we just remember the comfort of coming home to mum - and the food.

Comfort food is, of course, a personal thing. And I have no doubt that it is always associated with home, and most likely your childhood home. Everyone's comfort food is different, although there are also foods that are always described as comfort food. Though this must vary from country to county. So I racked my brain to think what was comfort food for me and came up with a few. Roast beef (not as grand as that shown here), fish and chips ( never eat that now), fish cakes, cornish pasties, dumplings, rice pudding and strangely - soup. Strangely because, as I think I have mentioned elsewhere, I don't think my mother made soup - we had soup out of a tin. Soup for me began in France - a sort of second home. I still feel a little as if I am coming home when I go to France.

“Adventures are all very well in their place, but there's a lot to be said for regular meals and freedom from pain.” Neil Gaiman, Stardust

They are none of them adventurous foods, but they are all associated with happy memories. The fish and chips in particular is most often associated with a little bit of adventure - a trip to grandma's, or a stop on the way home from a long drive. But we did have the home-made variety (and sometimes bought) at home too. And we have already seen that comfort and adventure are not at all the same thing. Mind you one man's comfort food is another man's adventurous food. Curry was once adventurous for us, it can't be adventurous for an Indian child can it? Several of my comfort foods are not that healthy either. I wonder is that a feature of comfort food? Does it need to be basically unhealthy, forbidden, even ordinary? Or is it merely due to the fact that I grew up in England in a time of rationing, before the explosion of interest in gourmet food, and that therefore the food we ate was inevitably unadventurous. My own children's food is probably somewhat different.

A final word on comfort. The teddy bear factor. I think this is another reason for marriage longevity. Perhaps one needs a kind of teddy bear to replace the teddy bear of our youth. I had a koala teddy bear, that my father must have brought back from Australia once. The one thing I have never forgiven him for was that whilst I was away at some point in my teenage years - maybe in France, or maybe when I was at university, he threw it out because he thought I no longer needed it. Of course I did. Well - for a few years I didn't - it was put aside and neglected, and to be honest I don't think it was a particularly cuddly teddy bear, but I do remember coming through this period and wanting it and being very cross that it was gone. I guess most husbands would not like to be thought of as teddy bears, and comfortable. My guess is that they would prefer a more adventurous, romantic image. And that obviously plays a part too. But I suspect that without the teddy bear deep within, the relationship might not last. As children our teddy bear is essential - we cannot sleep without it. So with adult relationships.

I searched the web and found a photo of a teddy bear that looked rather like mine. I think mine was a little bit shorter and fatter, but essentially the same.

And then there's Winnie-the-Pooh. I think the Winnie-the-Pooh books are my favourite books. My ultimate source of comfort. They are perfect in their depiction of a golden world where everyone is safe and happy. Me - I identify with Piglet with Winnie-the-Pooh as his very, very good friend and protector. Unadventurous I know, but isn't it everything that everyone needs? And if the world concentrated on comfort it might be a better place.

"Piglet is so small that he slips into a pocket, where it is very comfortable to feel him when you are not quite sure whether twice seven is twelve or twenty-two.” A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh