The way to a man's heart is through his stomach - really?

It's an old English proverb that implies that if you're a good cook you can make someone fall in love with you. Rubbish say I, though I suspect it might be a way of keeping your man. But there is a cost.

I started thinking about this because today I am cooking my 'special' meal for David. I present it as a gift to him, but really it's just a way of making me cook something different and new for a change. So we both win - well hopefully we do. Of course if he doesn't like what I choose - remember, it's new, so he won't have eaten it before, or if I don't enjoy doing it or fail, then nobody wins.

I have also often thought that I have made a rod for my own back by being a fairly good cook. It means that David prefers the food I cook to food we eat in restaurants - where it's either too expensive in his book - i.e. not good value, or no good. He has even told one restaurant that their lasagne, though good wasn't as good as his wife's. I cringed a bit, although, of course, I was flattered - particularly as mine is not very authentic. However it means he is generally reluctant to eat out. Now I, on the other hand love to eat out so I lose out somewhat. No New Year's resolutions from him to take his wife out for a nice dinner or lunch every now and then - but then he is not into making resolutions, and to be fair he does take me out now and again when an appropriate occasion crops up - mostly because someone asks us to join them, or we have no time to cook. I am not complaining - it is what it is, and who is to say that anything would be different if I was a lousy cook.

When I started looking into the subject I found a few interesting things. First of all the statistics. A website called Your Tango, which is some sort of relationship site and not a serious scientific source, did their own survey of the premise in the proverb. Here is what they found:

"We were thrilled to discover that almost 80 percent of people felt preparing a meal for someone is a significant act of love! Conversely, only 21 percent reported that food is a source of tension or conflict in their relationship, with 7 percent claiming they could not agree on what to eat. Less than 1 percent said it was because the person responsible for meals doesn't cook well."

In fact, 90 percent of people surveyed say a lack of kitchen know-how is not a deal-breaker for them."

Note they say 'people; rather than men but I think along the way they found that actually it's more likely to be the other way round - the way to a woman's heart is through her stomach more often than a man's. Well that is very probably true and makes much more sense. Women are always impressed by men who cook for them (yes my man does sometimes), and also by being taken out for a nice meal. After all, generally speaking it's the woman who does the cooking (though apparently this is changing), so it's pretty obvious she might like a night off every now and then. Men more or less expect their woman to cook for them. Well in my time anyway. It could be changing, though I don't really see a huge amount of evidence.

Another thing I found when investigating was a bit of outpouring of righteous feminist anger. Again a sign of the changing times. I doubt my grandmother or mother would have thought twice about it. It was their part of the deal that is marriage. And it is interesting is it not, that whilst women have been the major cooks of the world, the 'professional' cooks and chefs have traditionally been men. Maybe not in places like Downton Abbey, but pretty much everywhere. Women did all the cooking at home, not only because they had to, but also in an attempt to sweeten up their man.

And I suspect that largely, women still do. I do know that both of my sons cook. Well they had to at some point in their younger lives. They left home and had no woman to cook for them. Mind you they may well have largely eaten unhealthy takeaway, but I do think that that experience and also the fact that I gave them a book of all their favourite meals did help. I do hope so. They certainly both cook for their families from time to time.

However much I think that food - what food and who prepares it, and how it is eaten is important in a relationship and may well play a role in keeping a couple together, I am absolutely sure that being a good cook would never be the reason a man would fall in love. There would have to be more to it than that. As one article said - what if the amazing cook was boring, beat you up, was a terrible lover or just an unpleasant person. No way would you marry them for the food. Being a good cook might be the clincher though if everything else was right!

Once in the relationship though, I suspect that being a good cook might be a more important factor in keeping a couple together. It would never be the only reason of course, just an important one. Particularly if the non-cook in the relationship stopped to consider a future without a cook. And it is a way of trying to make up after an argument.

But maybe the ultimate answer is to cook together. The couple who cooks together, stays together. Could that be a new proverb?