Grey, grey, grey

"if you force yourself to write when you're in the doldrums, it will have the perverse effect of cheering you up." Sabrina Jeffries

Well let's hope so. It's been grey for days - no rain, no wind, just grey, grey, grey with the occasional burst of sunshine which I confess, lifts the heart a little.

And here I am sitting at my desk fighting depression and a lack of inspiration. I actually have a whole lot of potentially interesting topics on my list, but the greyness prevents me getting enthused about any of them. Indeed it is difficult to get enthused about anything. One starts to question why to everything we do - why am I doing this blog, why am I still learning Italian, why am I reshaping my family history website, why am I looking into my family history - why, why, why? Though I do try to avoid the ultimate why - why am I here?

As I say, there has been the occasional very brief bust of sunshine, and such was the effect that I did think I would write a post abut that - particularly in a metaphorical sense in relation to food. And I guess that's sort of what I'm doing here, but only partly.

For the ray of sunshine is just fleeting. A reminder of summer, of better days to come. After all we don't have peaches, and cherries and similar summery things to hand - well not unless you pay a lot of money and it comes from far away.

Summer food to me means, in the first instance - holidays in France or Italy - hence the picture at left. But it also means some foods that we can't get now, barbecues and eating outside. Most of all eating outside. I just love eating outside, even when I am at home. It makes me feel that I am on holiday. Even though my life now, is a sort of permanent holiday.

And really in some ways we could eat outside all year now. If you walk down Lygon Street on any day or night of the year there are people sitting outside dining - for there are these wonderful gas heaters. And now you can have them at home too. Bunnings was advertising a whole lot of interesting looking options the other day. So there's no reason you couldn't eat outside. But I suspect it wouldn't feel like summer. More like expensive camping - the comfort of the campfire and all of that.

So that's not really a way of lifting myself out of the doldrums.

As an aside - do you know what the doldrums are? I thought I did - somewhere where sailing ships got becalmed - but it turns out I was wrong - well sort of.

"The Doldrums is the region of calm winds, centered slightly north of the equator and between the two belts of trade winds, which meet there and neutralize each other. It is widely assumed that the phrase 'in the doldrums' is derived from the name of this region. Actually, it's the other way about. In the 19th century, 'doldrum' was a word meaning 'dullard; a dull or sluggish fellow' and this probably derived from 'dol', meaning 'dull' with its form taken from 'tantrum'. That is, as a tantrum was a fit of petulance and passion, a doldrum was a fit of sloth and dullness, or one who indulged in such. ... The region now called the 'The Doldrums' wasn't named until the mid 19th century and the naming came about as the result of a misapprehension. When reports of ships that were becalmed in that equatorial region described them as being 'in the doldrums', it was mistakenly thought that the reports were describing their location rather than their state." The Phrase Finder

You definitely learn something every day. Well you may have known that, but I didn't.

And do you not think that our state of mind is heavily influenced by the weather? Why should that be so? Is it something chemical, or just an association of cold with 'not summer and the beach.' When it's grey, cold, wet, miserable, your spirits fall. Everything seems to go wrong. All the things you can think of to pull yourself out of the doldrums, and I can think of heaps, require so much more effort and willpower to start than on any other kind of day.

In an otherwise slight book, Books, Baguettes and Bedbugs - someone described the different meanings one took out of the same situation if one was feeling sad or happy.

"If one was feeling nervous about an upcoming challenge and crossed paths with a snarling dog, it would be a sign to give up the endeavour. Tom would say that on the same corner as the snarling dog might be the girl, and if one wasn't so nervous of the dog, one would notice her smile and believe it to be a charmed day." Jeremy Mercer

And the same principle could be applied to how one was feeling because of the weather. I unfortunately have allowed myself to get into the doldrums over the last few days, mostly because of the greyness I think, but in the course of writing this post I found two suggestions for escaping them that were salient.

"A hobby a day keeps the doldrums away." Phyllis McGinley

I have hobbies. This blog is a hobby, but on days like this, even though I have lots of ideas bubbling away, it all just seems too hard. It seems daunting to research, even on my superficial level, just about anything and however interesting the results might be, and however much I might learn I just cannot get enthused. Family history too is another hobby, but that too is just overwhelmingly daunting - for most of the lines in my tree have come to a brick wall and it's increasingly difficult to find out anything new. Which is disheartening. I have nothing but admiration for scientists who plug away at some research for years and years before making any breakthrough. I am slowly writing it all up, and I am trying to do a page a day of changing from my old website to a new one. But sometimes that's just boring, and besides it's yet another thing that I do just for me.

Cooking is another hobby but coincidentally with the weather I have not been doing any of that of late. We have either been going out, using up leftovers, or I have been fasting. I don't think I have actually cooked for a week now. And cooking does always cheer me up. Creating something out of nothing - I suppose like this blog - is good for the soul.

Walking is said to be good for the doldrums - and it is, but when it's cold and miserable it's a bit hard to get enthused. You make excuses like your husband's out and can't pick you up - but you could walk somewhere else - either shorter or more circular. You could even walk both ways - now that would be a challenge worth trying one day.

And then, of course, when it's grey everything looks and feels gloomy. I put on .1 of a kg today even though I fasted yesterday, which was somewhat depressing and started me off with a gloomy disposition. But it's trivial really and on a sunny day I might have just brushed it off as a temporary setback. We are going out to dinner tonight with good friends which is really something to look forward to but somehow I am not filled with happy anticipation. I'm sure it will make me feel better when I'm actually there, as this quote affirms.

"what was civilization but the intellect's ascendancy out of the doldrums of necessity (shelter, sustenance and survival) into the ether of the finely superfluous (poetry, handbags and haute cuisine)? So removed from daily life was the whole experience that when all was rotten to the core, a fine dinner could revive the spirits." Amor Towles

So let's hope it will. For indeed, writing this post has helped - I have actually managed to write something, however gloomy. And there is a sense of achievement in that. And even this gloomy painting of a rainy day has a little bit of cheer in it - as the man puts his hand round the lady's waist. An irrelevant painting I know, but I liked it. It's by somebody called Alicia Napier I think.