Barbecue party anxiety

"good barbecue is more complicated than you think." Manish Dayal

Now Manish Dayal may have been talking about the food - and yes it can be more complicated than you think, but I'm thinking about the actual event.

Today is the day of the annual film society committee (I am a long-term member), Christmas barbecue party. We generally host it, though not always, because we have a large space and lots of cutlery. Everybody brings their own meat - or vegetables or fish - a plate of salad or a dessert, and some drinks. The men generally all gather round the barbecue and cook the meat - why is that? So I'm hoping that it will be like this one a which took place a few years ago. Happy, informal, relaxing. After all we have known virtually all of these people for very many years. Some are very good friends whom we see outside of all of this, have even had holidays with two of the couples, but the rest of them are all very entertaining too, if not our closest friends.

The salads are just put out on the kitchen bench, the cutlery is wrapped in napkins and then everybody just grabs a seat and eats. Not complicated at all. And really it isn't. But somehow or other before it begins there is panic and anxiety. Stress. Why? It's post Christmas so we don't even have to do the major cleaning exercise that usually goes with big parties - and this is big - almost twenty people. All the cleaning - or most of it anyway - has been done for the various Christmas gatherings. The table just needs a quick wipe.

Today I guess we have a bit of anxiety associated with the weather. Mostly at these things it's a problem of keeping people cool enough. Today it's whether it will rain or not, so are we inside or outside? And I really don't think this can be organised until almost the last moment. We have two main tables in place already - one inside and one outside, although the inside one will need chairs swapped for benches to fit enough people. But we actually have another largish and collapsible table that can be swiftly put in place in the appropriate location. The chairs and cushions can be put out at the last minute.

Then because of the weather there's the slight anxiety of where we cook. The barbecues are prepared, (ours are not as grand as this one) but if it rains a lot then we shall have to cook inside. Very doable but I guess not desirable because that will mean a crush in the kitchen.

Today I have prepared sausages and some chicken kebabs - just marinaded in yoghurt and mint, but I shall have to rely on my husband's cooking - though I must admit it's getting better - they don't always end up as blackened and burnt bits of charcoal, like they used to.

I know we shall have an argument, my husband and I, about where to put the tables but I am determined to stand firm - well once we have decided on in or out. There may be a slight argument about position if it's an inside outcome, but I think I'm prepared to concede on that one. Not on the outside option though. And I see from the photographs at the top and bottom of the page, that it works very well. And if those two tables are not enough there is another one that can be swiftly brought in if necessary.

Then there's the pre-dinner drinks. Where to have that? This is another reason for not putting out the chairs because this part of the process is likely to be in a different spot. And we certainly don't have enough chairs for one set in one location and one in another. Today I think there will be more of us than in the picture above, and the table is a different shape so I'm not sure what to do about that. Just put a few chairs there I suppose and then shuffle them around. At least we won't all be clustering in the shade this year trying to get out of the sun - we might just be trying to get out of the rain.

I think, for myself, I have confidence that it will all work out. It would be very preferable to eat outside, but if we have to come inside, so be it. However, my husband stresses enormously about all of this, and because he is stressed I become stressed too and anxious for him. I know he is only stressed because he wants it all to be perfect, but nevertheless it's difficult. I wonder if other families have the same sort of problems before big, but informal events like this? So far I have not read a lot of my Nigella book, but I did read one section about parties and she has this to say:

"Above all, be relaxed. I know it's always an irritating injunction, but this should be supper with friends, around a table with you able to enjoy them. Food always helps, but even when a dinner's gone wrong you can still have a great evening." Nigella Lawson

This is not a dinner party and I am not responsible for any of the food for my guests, just setting up the location and providing the accoutrements - plates, cutlery, salt and pepper, bread and butter (our contribution this year). And the washing up of course. Oh dear - that's another horror story, but yet again everyone pitches in. At least we won't have to bring any of it indoors as they will all help. We just have to sort it all out when it gets there.

Crossing fingers. Just over an hour to go.

And it's the last big party of the season too. Back to normal next week.