A food related bit of misery

"If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for like 8 years, you can believe in yourself for like 5 minutes."

This is how I feel today.

I fasted yesterday - it was my second fast of the week - trying to be slim and trim before i splurge in Port Douglas next week. But this morning when I weighed myself I found that I had actually put on weight - a third of a kilo, even though I ate barely anything yesterday! This was very depressing, and since there were a number of other minor things going wrong, I ended up feeling pretty down on myself. You know how it is - one thing goes wrong, then another, and before you know where you are you are looking back at all the things that have gone wrong in your life, all the things that are wrong about you and before you know it you are thoroughly depressed - depressed not suicidal I hasten to add.

It was a beautiful morning so I decided to go outside and weed. And it was satisfying. To a point. With weeding there is always more to do - in our garden an amount that basically can't be done. And then I discovered that the small tree - a bottlebrush - under which I was weeding was covered with some kind of black scale at the tips. So I pruned it back drastically, and also pulled up another spindlier tree beside it which also had the same thing and hope that this will improve things. But I have to say it didn't lighten my mood. And when I stood up my poor old back was really aching. Well I am old, and a bit of back stretching did the trick.

So I went inside, washed, changed and vowed in a martyrish sort of way not to have any lunch. But then I thought no I will cheer myself up with food - tasty food, and so I had some of my favourite lunch food - sardines on toast. Portuguese sardines too. They were delicious. And when I came to do this blog, and looked for what foods to eat when feeling down I saw that omega-3 rich fish is one of them. I must have known. Mind you eating when depressed is not a good thing really is it? And it's certainly not going to help my diet. If you are always depressed anyway. Some of those other foods that are good for depression - chocolate, sweet porridge (ugh!), are not necessarily good for you.

But now it's raining.

So the little burst of happiness that I got from eating sardines on toast has been dampened. Besides, as I said, sardines on toast are not going to help my dieting problems.

When I was young - well young adult - and sad I would just go and sleep - and cry. And if I slept and cried enough I generally felt better. Nowadays I would go for a walk, or do something that pleases me, or makes me feel good. Can't go for a walk - it's raining.

But I am looking forward to cooking dinner. Today I am cooking from scratch - no leftovers to consume so I can be inventive. This is always a cheering thing to do for me. I wonder why? Well I suppose the answers are obvious. Hopefully it will please my husband - it's always nice to please somebody else. Perhaps it will make me feel good that I have created something very tasty. And the actual process of selecting, peeling, chopping, and cooking is also something that is always very satisfying. At my blackest moment I said I would not have any wine - it's the weekend, and so we usually have some wine at the weekend, and I didn't have any yesterday. But now I think I might have one small glass.

I'm going to make something with chicken, mint, carrots and beans - with rice - maybe I'll have a go at the ghee rice today, even if I do use a rice cooker. But of course, if it's not up to standard, then I shall just sink into gloom again. Just hope there's something good on the television too.

Overall though, the thought of food is a real depression lifter, particularly, I think, if I am making it.